Music snobbery is so cliché you almost forget it exists. You’re doing fine until some guy at a party is like, “Dude, Changes is a Greatest Hits. You call yourself a Bowie fan?” Then it hits you. They still walk the Earth. They. The cursed Knowers.
It’s true; they know way more about music than you and, Real Talk, they probably always will. But guess what, Neo. You actually know way more than them because the world isn’t just music. See how easy that was? Keep that in mind when you find yourself in a Snob Fu battle.
Below are real life examples of different kinds of Music Snobs and how you can combat them. These are things that were really said to me (and probably you) over the years. The comebacks, of course, made themselves apparent way later. Like, years later. I’ve put them here as if I was actually this quick and smart.
The Belittler
This guy makes you feel dumb because you didn’t know something that was so obvious. He’s a simple snob with a simple comeback. Agree with him.
The 800 Verbal
This chief is eloquent, no doubt about it. Did he just say moreover? Weird. Anyway, these dudes are the most harmless so just shut it down. The best way is to be terse.
Name Dropper McGee
This guy knows everyone in every band, he parties, gets backstage etc. and he is appalled that you don’t. So go ahead and put yourself in the mix.
Concert Guy
He’s better than you because he’s seen them in concert. In Montreal. Your objective then, is to devalue his concert experience.
The Early Adopter
This chick knew about the band 2 years before you. She really wants you to know that. She seeks credit for being ahead of the curve so you might as well give it to her.
The Debater
This dude is confrontational and is really trying to start something. Fortunately, his idea of success hinges on his own perception of what’s normal, so if he throws down an apple, hit him back with orange juice.
Debaters are really excitable and the beauty of talking with them is you can say literally whatever you want and it’ll just get them more wound up.
Really, that’s the best part of talking to any Music Snob. They’re wrong. No matter what they say to you, no matter what they know, they’ll never be able to tell you what good or bad music is. Only you can. Whatever you decide is correct because there’s no rules to liking stuff. And liking what you like is the best comeback of all.
